The older she gets, the better I'll feel and the easier things will get and the more independent she will become. Yes, probably. Literally no more than a handful. Life. I wish I had listened sooner about getting into counseling but that has really helped me so far!! This is probably some of the best parenting advice I've ever read. Kids are irrational. You are quite literally the whole world to another human being. I push through every day for her and only her even though when I look at her, I don't feel what I want to feel. I only wanted to chime in on the library suggestion. Damn this is amazing advice. She yells, screams, hits and cries all day every day. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/aaovzl/update_i_am_a_mother_and_i_regret_it_every_day_of/?utm_source=reddit-android. There are many lessons to learn in even the smallest moments. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Even blames this whole sexual abuse that's been happening for years and years on the both of it. I stay up all night because time seems to slow down. Play charades and teach them emotional expression. As a parent of teenagers, who has been there and done that, here's my advice: If it's at all possible, try not to take anything your children do or say personally. Someday she'll be proud you asked for a little help. I gave my mother a hard time when I was a kid. This job has taught me a few things about parenting that I'm really grateful for despite the unpleasant ways of learning them. Chores went undone, personal hobbies were uncultivated, friends ignored. Yes I do. Wait until she's eaten a bit and then offer the drink. And I hate myself every day for it. I feel calmer after just reading your post and I'm not even struggling like OP. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. I'm all she has and she's all I have as I've been a single mom since day one. But experiencing that moment when you think, “I hate my life,” can be the turning point motivating you to make dramatic changes and propelling you toward success. Share on Facebook; Share on Twitter; Share on Google Plus; Share on Pinterest; I Hate My Mom; like; meh; 0; Current Page. We've had to learn a lot of lessons the past 18 months about feeding another human. Many are available through family services and can be very cheap or even free, depending on your situation. Adults are instructed to secure their own before helping others because even though there's that gut reaction of 'help the weak', we tend to overestimate our ability to work through asphyxiation and really our mental health is no different. She'll eat any snack you set in front of her, so instead keep feeding to a couple in-between meal snacks, and the primary meals themselves. Put your kids in daycare/get a babysitter: yes. I tell people that everyday. I sacrifice a lot for them. . I think the depression makes it hard for me to cope even with help. If they seek it on their own and it leads to poor choices, redirect. Your kids sound exactly like mine but with less vulgar language, less running away and less dealing with the police. The pool is an inexpensive way of taking care of all that energy. You feel hopeless and lack the energy to even take the first step. Being a mom is not all I am, but it has changed my life in really positive ways, no matter how crappy it can be sometimes. I hate being a mom. Their tastes are still developing, and it never hurts to bribe them. I wouldn't feel guilty for ignoring the PTO or volunteer emails from their school because I don't want to help. It's imperative to take this time to yourself. Yes. My dad and her split almost 14 years ago because of fights, and my dad apologizes and me mom won’t forgive him. Oh geez, you really need a break! Everyone loves their kids so much and does everything with and for them all the time with a smile on their face. Please OP, consider talking to a psychiatrist. Are they bored with food? I life is not good my mom beat me in get mad so much. For so long, we didn't do anything other than get home from work, feed and put our daughter to bed, then watch TV until we went to bed. And speak to a doctor about getting help. No matter how much I teach them, they've got no intellect. Getting help. Don't plead. Neon. And a hug. Around, everyday. By Carolyn Steber. More to the point, he said that some days kids will eat terribly (amount, quality of food, etc). ‘Mom, I Hate My Life!’ is a compelling cry that can help undo the crisis by challenging and equipping moms to meet their daughters’ deepest needs in the best way possible. Hormones and brain chemicals can be positive, but when they are slightly out of the sweet spot, they can threaten your mental and emotional health. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel, wife is great and great with the kids but refuses to see anything from my point of view. I do everything for them and they hate me. All day I am yelled at, hit, bitten, screamed at by my two toddler boys. She always fills up on milk and then doesn't want anything else. Sometime along the way, you may feel like the "roommate" is family and that you care for them that way. A great source for parents is "The Circle of Courage" that allows kids to develop four skills: generosity, mastery, independence, belonging. Going back to work was a god send for me. As a female who hasn't decided on whether or not children are in my future, this is what I'm afraid will happen to me if I make the wrong choice. Very true. They may decide to eat some of it after all, but even if they don't, at least it'll be in your belly, doing someone some good. That she's gaining weight just fine and is in otherwise perfect health. To have to deal with this ALL OF THE TIME without the emotional support of a second parent, is absolutely exhausting: mentally, physically, emotionally. Variety in experiences are key. That being said, post partum depression takes many forms and can go on for years if left untreated. Where in my life do I feel helpless? adult conversation! It works. This. I'm sure other, smarter people will provide good advice here. You really are doing the best you can to keep them warm, safe, fed and happy. "How dare you raise a hand to me." MSRP: $17.99 Was: $17.99 Sale: $14 ... Navigating an adolescent daughter's emotional life is one of a mom's toughest challenges. You aren't alone. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Edit: Two years later but here's an update! I'm sorry for your despair and I hope you can find a way to feel better about being a mom. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. But when your best isn't good enough to change the situation, of course it's the worst feeling in the world. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. Oh so much this. My wife and I have each gone through our own phases of yelling and cursing and begging and pleading with her to just eat one little bite. In the journey of life, there comes a time when everything seems to go against you, relationships end, sudden illness kicks in, friends move away, and … I hate him. If we weren't, we'd all stay barbarians our whole lives. Our daughter comes home, goes straight to her room, turns on her CD player and wont talk to anyone especially me. We have regained personal hobbies so we can entertain ourselves and not feel guilty about leaving the other one alone, because we know they're doing something they enjoy as well. If you are ever in OPs place, do what she did. I hate my family life. However, there are many other activities that can develop compassion and giving directed to a younger age group. We've stopped trying to fit our lives around her, and fit her into our lives. I will put into place some of the suggestions here. He takes them out on the weekends so I can get a break. It's a little dated, but Brooke Shields wrote a good book about ppd - how she just wasn't in love with her child and didn't know why. Yes, DO go on those field trips. My whole day I listen to screaming and yelling. A mom is never, ever supposed to admit this, but here goes: I've never liked my child. Never try to feed her until she asks for help. Not everyone in life is going to be nice and give you everything you want. You sound like a committed and concerned mom. We just went to the doctors for the regular checkup, and asked his advice. I myself was calling my kid "roommate" for the first year. It's kind of like oxygen masks on an airplane. You're shouldering everything. She doesn't listen even when I am stern and consistent with rules and consequences. not wiping butts!). As soon as she figured out the system, her goal in life was to earn as many pennies as possible and to not lose any. Books you don't need to buy at all. I hate my children. I can't remember the last time she didn't whine when she talked. It is probably contributing to theor behavior though. Is even partial daycare an option? If I take them out to buy groceries or go the playground they scream and run away and disobey me. She said she going to start buying payless shoes because my stepdad think we good stuff a lot but not no more. I grew up with the best mother on the planet and wish I could be that for my baby. Totally NOT a mom here but I work in a group home with kids (ages 11-14) who are not fit to be placed in foster care. That was my favorite thing as a young one. We said this isn't like her and normally she'd eat anything we eat, but now she won't. Don't bargain or threaten or yell or cry. The emotional ups and downs of our daughters life make us all feel like were on a roller coaster. If you aren't one of those people that enjoys that phase of parenting, and so so so many people aren't, you have to weather through it and know that there is potential for things to get better. ‘Mom, I Hate My Life!’ is a compelling cry that can help undo the crisis by challenging and equipping moms to meet their daughters’ deepest needs in the best way possible. I feel like this is such a taboo topic that not many people discuss so I always feel like I'm the only one feeling this way which again, just makes things worse. Hey friend. yet. We're keeping 1/3 of the toys in her room (she rarely plays in there now), 1/3 out in the main living area, and the rest in a closet. Grandparents? So stop staying up all night. Thank you for showing me I'm not alone. Navigating an adolescent daughters emotional life is one of a moms toughest challenges. Physical activity is a huge component of growing up, not only for health but to burn those little buggers out so they'll fall asleep. And good luck Hun! It sounds like you are in autopilot or survival mode allowing you to remain detached. Like literally keep it in the fridge or otherwise out of sight. Bubble baths, walking the dog, massage, shopping, girls day, work out . Her behavior quickly did a 180. I dont know why my daughter is so angry. I Hate My Mom; like; meh; 0; HAS A "I HATE MY MOM" TATTOO IS ADOPTED. I am a 28yr old father of two, one newborn, one 8rs. etc. After savory, follow up with sweet. anything!! I can't imagine why you don't want to eat this wonderful food. Yes, parents are mean. She yells at me all the time! It can make you resent the time you do spend with your kid because you literally get no break to be yourself. And then ignore them if they whine about it. That instant love connection is definitely not there for everyone. This will allow for your child to cultivate a sense of belonging and develop secure attachment to positive role models in his or her life. Having a boring day inside? What about fear or shame? Thanks for sharing, I hope it does OP some good. She may not see it now, but she has more in her than she knows. Give her the plate/bowl, and sit down with her and then ignore until she gets your attention. Do you have anybody who can help take care of the kids? I had some severe untreated post-partum depression. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the TwoXChromosomes community. That's what "love" means to small children! Don't overfeed during the day. I can't stress enough how important self-care is in your situation. My mom had me when she was only dating my dad for 2 months. But it just makes the struggle even harder. It does get better as they grow up and become little people. This can stop you from bonding normally with your child along with everything else you're describing. I grew up without a mother due to suicide and I would not want that for my daughter. We bake cookies for the seniors lodge, collect coats and shovel driveways for neighbours. Honestly, hating your dad is totally normal. Eating with her reinforces that "it's dinner time now". https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/aaovzl/update_i_am_a_mother_and_i_regret_it_every_day_of/?utm_source=reddit-android. I f***** hate my life and feel typing this up here will somewhat ease the pain. Stop buying them new clothes. He told us not to worry. Loved her, provided for her, made sure that she is cared for and feels loved and has everything she needs. I loved her but never quite had that "motherly" feeling. Check out our new site Makeup Addiction. Really, to a large extent you teach your children how to treat you. Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance. All day I am yelled at, hit, bitten, screamed at by my two toddler boys. He says my 2-3 year old self was practically drooling over him. Try one for a couple weeks, and you might see a vast improvement. Don't take anything personally. The toddlers only say she's mean when not getting their, they already know their mom is afraid and doesn't want to be mean..she'll do anything to avoid it, which means giving into toddler demands. Every irregular freckle I wish to be melanoma so I can finally escape and have no one hate me for "taking the easy way out". You're not alone, and you have more in you than you know. My whole day I listen to screaming and yelling. For my wife and me, it's taken so long to get back to what we consider normal. You don't even feel human for a large portion of those early years. Make dinner fun. So long as the overall trend is "they eat", you've got nothing to worry about. Pennies could be used to buy extra stories at bedtime or trips to the park or really anything that she liked. Have you considered you might be suffering from depression? I can't pretend I'm okay anymore because I'm not. When they say they wish you would go away, simply say, "Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. I got some help for her sake. This was my story about a year ago. I always resisted against second-hand clothes because I was raised by a single mom who couldn't afford to buy me new clothes save once or twice, but especially for when they grow so fast it's a real option. But this isn’t just a book for moms. BUT like everyone else here says: The more help you get, the better: finding things for just YOU, friends, therapy, treatment for depression. I have lumps in my breast and I hope they are cancer so I can die and have it not be my fault. . Press J to jump to the feed. Trust that they won't starve before the next meal and whenever they turn up their noses at something you made - take it and eat it yourself! I still feel the same, if not worse, than the day she was born. For the longest time we were too stressed out to make our dinner, then another one for her, so we'd delay our dinner until after she went to bed. They don't know what they're saying and they don't mean it in a "forever" sense anyway. add your own caption. We aim to keep this a safe space. I clean up and they trash the house. My mom is addicted to drugs and alcohol. Don't offer liquid until partway into the meal. They make life miserable. I'm a teen and I consider myself barbaric still. Sometimes I hate my kids for their inability to follow direction and it makes me feel like a terrible mother. They'll figure out quickly enough that they need to be good, if they want to enjoy the museum or the beach or the botanical gardens. I hated my life and my daughter (3 yo at the time) was behaving poorly. We have a great bond. Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives. I hate my life: your life sucks so much you start hating it, so here are 7 ways to help you get back on track when you hate your life. I loved her but never quite had that "motherly" feeling. Don't go back to dinner after the sweet though; consider that the end of the meal. You are two years from things being much better too. Raising a 4 year old is absolutely thankless. Spot on. I hate people. She has controlled my life as long as i can remember. Maybe you feel like life isn’t worth living. It's okay to take care of yourself! You spoil your kids rotten. A teenage girl's volatile emotions can seemingly toss her-and you-like a hurricane. comments while you do it. But as soon as I have that moment to myself (even pooping. Yes, take a long, glorious poop!! Hugs OP! Screaming won't work forever, so knock you shit off brats.". There's only so much you can do if the support system isn't there. Children are born as little, uncivilized, barbarian creatures, with half-formed brains. We feel as if we can do things other than watch TV until our eyes melt out of our skulls. There's no question — hating your life is a tough place to be. I had severe postpartum depression on top of my normal mood disorder. If they misbehave in public, go home. My marriage broke up from it - it wasn't what my kid's dad signed up for. At this age they don't know the difference and can't remember a toy from one day to the next. Your kids are naughty because you do not present a stable and authoritative image: also true. And I guess for now that's all I can continue doing even though all I want to do is give up. They tell me that I am mean and they wish I would go away. So my mom get mad and put me on punishment for a long time. It's not for everyone. Getting treatment fo depression will help with this. So she obviously wasnt really ready.. but my Dad is heavily Christian and decided to marry my mom. 11 Surprising Signs Your Mom Is Toxic — And What To Do About It. Op needs to definitely say, "so what if I am mean kids. I try to be the best mom I can be though no matter how I'm feeling. It won’t always be this way. How much more can I take? Not a day goes by where I'm not fixing things they've broken. You'll feel less like a monster, if you get enough sleep. If you went away, they'd feel that loss their entire lives. Discipline your kids, yo. They need you, they depend on you, they can't live without you. I do everything I can for my kids, I frequently go without so they can have new clothes, go on field trips to the museum or beach or botanical gardens, have new toys and books. But this isn’t just a book for moms. Go on lots of them. I can't tell anyone because I will seem like a monster. Please see a therapist in your area. More money. I have been so depressed ever since she was born but she is the reason I am still here. I hate that I feel this way and there's nothing I can do to change it. Even if your activity feels like a waste of time, or that they are acting a fool and making you feel crazy, you must realize they are learning something. Your loss!" But as of yet, none of that has happened and it is truly discouraging. Have you spoken to a medical professional? Seriously! Basically me and my brother me an "accident" we both werent planned births. Eventually, each kid will find something that they really enjoy, which will develop their own mastery skills. I wake up every morning absolutely dreading the day ahead. Someone said they stay up all night because if they go to sleep it means they would wake up and it summed up everything I feel. Mine however, may never, despite all the attempts we make. Please realize that if you do have clinical depression you might be incapable of feeling the emotions you think you should. Don't beg. When they spit out food that you'd have liked to eaten yourself, it's not because they're ungrateful. I love going away to work and coming home and spending like 3 hours max (like an old school dad). . Treat yourself, allow yourself a hobby, play a game - it's all allowed! Don't give up and please get some help. I’m faster, though, and I spin around with my arms up to protect myself. If she has a good pace going, I don't bother her. Other days they'll eat better than kings. My therapist says that she understands all that, but my anger and hate and resentment towards this oerson who was supposed to there to help me and to help raise me are eating me alive. Then I grew up and when I looked back to the things I did and said, I completely regretted everything. This is because you are providing a secure home base (mentally, physically and emotionally) for them to explore from. I can understand that it's entirely overwhelming right now, and you have every right to feel the way you do. Am I mad, glad or sad? A lot of people hate their parents, and sometimes for good reason. If not for your sake, then for your daughter's. Swap them out every month so they always have "new toys". And what I wish I felt... And I think she feels it. Try to learn to laugh. Thanks again everyone for all the support and advice. If they don't have it, provide it. That's what libraries are for! Your daughter is 4, though, so she'll be in school soon if not already. You need to, while being the good mum you have proved you are, find something else on your life. I hate my life. Not like how I expected to at least. But if she's been sitting for 20 minutes without doing anything, I'll release her. Same - which is why I've opted out. Give them some pieces of pasta, a few veggies, and some beans. If the upvotes are unlimited I'm giving all the upvotes I could possibly give~, wonderful answer.. glad I wrote my reply before I read yours lol, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. What other times in my life have I felt like this? There's few things more devastating than losing a parent at a young age. In the end we'd always give up and toss her a cheese and some milk, so she had something. I tried to end my life more than once. Birth is traumatizing and it takes time to get to know your little human. They are well provided for. But you’re not alone. I get what you're saying and I think the same thoughts. You know what though? I am a monster, probably. Now it's no longer an ordeal to go out with her to friends or to the store. (When I was a single parent I'd look forward to going out to work because it was awesome... hot coffee! Don't give a toddler a fancy 5-course meal. And that is not your fault. You aren't choosing to feel blah/blank/ neutral about her. And I constantly feel guilty for always counting down the days and years where I won't have to dedicate every waking second that I'm not at work tending to her every need. I'm in my 2nd year of college and i still have to beg her to let me go out with friends. This is one of the problems with fucking exaggerating everything. I wish I never brought her into this horrible world so she never had to experience pain and disappointment like I am. Mom, I Hate My Life! Well, don't worry. These skills, among others listed below, will assist your kids in growing into more rounded children (with patience) and will assist you in your own sanity! Saying those words out loud -- or even to yourself in your head -- can be a painful acknowledgment that even late in life we can't always make our relationships with our parents work out the way we want them to. We had the penny jar system. It's OKAY to do things for you. I clean up and they trash the house. Of course I loved her from the second I saw her, but our first day together was the most disappointing day of my life. I'm past the point of making a new best friend. Not that she should be selfish but you give op the right advice. OP is going to be okay if she keeps doing what she is doing. But I don't have any other choice but to keep doing what I'm doing and hope things do get better like you say. Some of the most common points brought up: You have depression! We deal with this regularly with our kids and I understand where you are coming from. A lot of libraries have a child's section with kid computers, as well as videos and occasionally story time. I had some severe untreated post-partum depression. If you are a relatively good parent, trying her best (sounds like you are!) Ensure that no matter how difficult they act, that they know that you are there for them, and encourage additional relationships with your family members, neighbourhood and community. They will eat dirt and worms from the garden but not healthy food that I cook. But many find a way to be at peace with it - I hope you find a therapist/med that works for you. Just eat your own meal. Have you ever talked to anyone about this? She feels like my best friend now. They pick on me and say mean things. Sometimes when we do suff wrong she get mad. Where is the father? It hurts me so much knowing that my own mom hates my dad so much. Some dads are manipulative, annoying, or just plain mean. If I take them out to buy groceries or go the playground they scream and run away and disobey me. I didn't feel anything for my daughter until she was about 4 or 5. Reach out. God cares how you feel. Six year olds are way way better than four year olds. I'd rather work, write or teach so when I do get my kids at the end of the day, I feel like I've accomplished something important and I don't "hate being a mom" when I'm inundated with backpacks, boo-boos, smelly shoes filled with sand, and a to-do list that never seems to end. There's lot's of free classes and groups to be able to participate in, with additional supports available. It's a coping mechanism and it's very, very common. Take care of your own needs. It took a lot of tries, a lot of cries, and a lot of conversations, but we've finally figured out how to do what we want. What you're describing sounds an awful lot like it could be actual, clinical depression (or PPD.) She's happy and developing and all the other things she needs to do at her age. Be fun and productive. I cook and they spit the food out, refuse to eat it then have a meltdown later because they are hungry. The fact that you care about her feelings shows that you want to be the best mother you can be. Don't praise if she takes a bite, don't offer her, don't put food on the fork. Your job as a parent is to patiently civilize them over the course of many years, so that some day they can be safely released into the world. She feels like my best friend now. Oh doctor, what do we do? ask them, "Do you want it for Christmas or for your birthday?" I'd rather wonder than live the reality. Now she is a teenager and will still talk about the penny jar with fondness.